Breaking news, as it happens - caught with Nango-Cam(tm) RR, police clean up after test results (Picture shot from our bedroom window) - Nango News March 18, 1998 Gloomy gray weather, good for this area, graces a tame cherry blossom party at Kaga Central Park - Nango News April 10, 1998

SPRINGTIME FOR NANGO! Nango News Service Bulletin for May 14, 1998 With everything from snow to 30 degrees-plus (that's high 80s Fahrenheit) during the month of April, the change of the seasons was even less definable than usual this year. That's my official excuse for not updating this page for two months. March was high school entrance examination month, and, just like last year, another Nango youngster decided that lying down in front of a train was the way to handle not getting into Mommy's chosen high school (see photo at left). The fact that going to "good" high schools and colleges in Japan these days is worthless for getting any sort of employment seems not yet to have sunk in among the "kyoiku mama" (education Mom) community. April was a bit pleasanter - there were three whole days of springlike weather scattered around during the month, and one decent (read, overcast) day to enjoy the cherry blossoms in full bloom. Far less predictable than March, except for one important item. In keeping with local tradition, the official Daishoji Cherry Blossom Festival was held a week or so post-"mankai" (full bloom), after rains had stripped the last petals from the trees. No, this isn't "global warming", or "El Ni~no"; Yumi has seen the same thing happen in all but one of the (number deleted) years of her memory. The group we saw at Kaga Central Park (see photo at left) was unusual in several respects. The usual "hanami" (cherry blossom picnic) is a drunken affair held at the same time and in the same place as everyone else's, resulting in a crowded cacophony - which experience suggests is far more beloved of the Japanese psyche than tea (or cherry blossoms, needless to say). In answer to the inevitable protests, let me note that blaring video karaoke by portable generator and "decorating" (with urine or vomit) the cherry trees have been seen more often at these affairs than the sort of shared quiet contemplation of natural beauty that graces outsiders' images of Japan. Which brings us to May. Mr. and Mrs. Kawasaki across the road have been out with their long ladle and pole-and-bucket, retrieving the contents of their septic tank for use in the vegetable garden. The Lovely Nango mascot, sporting the ever- popular wartime "mompe" ensemble, has been scrabbling at filth (see title photo at top). And Mrs. Yamamoto next door has been asking around for help in matchmaking for her 29-year-old son (a high school teacher who recently got himself transferred to a school for the handicapped, out of fear for his safety at his former school).

BE MY NANGO VALENTINE! - Nango News Service Bulletin for February 15, 1998 Valentine's Day came to Nango again this year, with a vengeance. In Japan, females of all ages are expected, often at great expense, to buy chocolate and present it on February 14 to males with whom they have a home, school, or work relationship. When asked, most people believe that this custom comes from Europe or the United States, and that this is the sum total essence of Valentine's Day worldwide. As you may have begun to suspect, Japanese Valentine's Day was an invention of the chocolate makers. Upon discovering that the typical Japanese male never remembers birthdays, anniversaries, et c., and is loath to give gifts of any kind to females except in payment for sexual services, the candy companies began marketing this idea of females giving chocolate to males. It has been an enormous success, so much so that the chocolate purveyors can dump their lower-quality, stale, or otherwise deficient stock - at inflated prices - by packaging it as Valentine's chocolate. These "specialty" chocolates are boxed with lots of air and sold under such slogans as, "Valentine's Day - When You Give Love, And Never Receive Love". (Hm - maybe the Christian message is gaining ground here after all). Makoto's fiancee (another story) appeared unexpectedly at Lovely Nango yesterday, with chocolate in hand. Fortunately for the cause of international education (and my attempts to raise Makoto with a - broader outlook), the florist had wrapped up the leftover miniature roses and baby's breath from my bouquet for Yumi, and Makoto was able to present flowers to his intended (again, that's another story).

Be My Nango Valentine (continued) The day before, Makoto received chocolate from another girl in his kindergarten class. The package proclaimed, in unusually intelligible if somewhat disturbing English, that "This is a rare gift from God". The giver, who, I believe, has no delusions of divinity, duly informed Makoto that, a) she loves him, and b) he is expected to give her white chocolate in return on "White Day". Never heard of that one? Well, the chocolate companies, still trying to get some more mileage out of their Valentine scam -er- contribution to Japanese civilization, have come up with "White Day", which falls on March 14, and on which males who have received chocolate in February are expected to remember the females who gave it to them, and to give white chocolate in return. Needless to say, this one is a leap too far. If the guys aren't going to give the girls anything the first time around, the "giri" angle isn't going to change their spots. If we look for a reason for "White Day", big chocolate sales ain't it. More cynically, however, "White Day" is a way of shifting any female resentment for the meretriciousness of Japanese Valentine's Day away from the sweets merchants and onto the bums who are "supposed to" at least give something back. Something, that is, besides the customary leers and comments that would be a quick ticket to litigation in the United States. I took the opportunity yesterday to tell Makoto the story of St. Valentine, complete with anonymous cards and the origin of the "heart" symbol. With luck, no serious confusion will occur when I remind him that simple courtesy demands he give his classmate, Ryoko, a bit of candy come March 14. Postscript: Makoto did give "return presents" when March rolled around.

LOCAL POLITICIAN WANTS TO SNUGGLE, SUCKLE AT VOTERS' BREASTS - News Bulletin for January 29, 1998 A Nango candidate for the Kaga City Council election next Sunday just drove by in his sound truck (replete with hysterical-voiced female name-shouter). To tout the fact that he was born and raised here in Lovely Nango, he gave the following peroration: "Hosono, Hosono Yuji de gozaimasu. Yappari, jimoto ni umare sodatte, jimoto no nukumori ni tsutsumarenagara, saigo no saigo made gambaritai to omoimasu. Amaete, amaete, minasan no atatakai mune ni tobikonde, yoroshiku, yoroshiku onegai itashimasu." Given the base meaning of "amaeru", and the rather generous pay and perks these guys get at our (the taxpayers') expense, the image of his "jumping to be warmly wrapped in our arms and suckle at our breast" was quite amusing indeed. Yes, that is a literal translation. EDITORIAL COMMENT Of course, this is tame compared to the alleged escapades of "Kurin-ton Daitoryo" (President Clinton), or, as he has been dubbed this week, "Furin-ton Daitoryo" (President Adulterous Pig), but in each case, one gets the distinct impression of a "local boy" from a truly lovely hick town.

NANGO WINTER OLYMPICS OPEN! - News Bulletin for the week of January 26, 1998 The excitement over the Nango Winter Olympics has reached fever pitch - a rash of fevers has resulted from the crowds keeping the Nango custom of going out in the snow and freezing rain with no hats, gloves, or other winter clothing. Lovely Nango has been turned into a winter wonderland with repeated snowfalls, hail-falls, and assorted other forms of precipitation (all water-based - this is Lovely Nango, not Fortean Times) over the last few days, just in time for the first events. With conditions at their peak, this morning saw the opening of the Unplowed Road Car Slide Rally, The Unplowed Road Walk With Umbrella Blinder, and the Snow Shovel Into Road In Front Of Cars competitions. The City of Kaga has surpassed its own high standards of leaving slush piles unplowed during warm, sunny days, to freeze at night and form obstacles for the various events throughout the Games. Just think how much less they could do if we paid even higher taxes!

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